Scared of parties Scared of ghosts

by Nick seman

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1.
03:04
it's so late why don't you come home ? why don't you come home ? it's so dark why don't you come get in my car ? why don't you get back in my car ? and drive to somewhere we can just lay down and talk somewhere far from the danger and the zombies on the sidewalk now we're sunk I'm so anxious and you're too drunk all our love and all my luck and you're not fine three flights of stairs is too high back there who was that guy ? you said that we could move away to the west coast but now I'm trapped in here alone with your ghost you came in with a bruise all red on your neck when I saw you ran out the door now you are never coming back it's so dark you forgot where the car was parked just spend the night where you are it's so late but I don't see you coming home but I don't want you coming home
2.
04:11
something is wrong breathe in the smog I will find you there if you're still out there pink is the sky all your plans went awry something has to change but we cannot change we haven't dreamt cause we haven't slept all your dreams were the same all your dreams fall away all your dreams fall away the cycle betrays cars on the highway rain starts to fall the concrete dissolves nuclear waste makes bombs and the walls shake sewers overflow and poison the snow we haven't dreamt cause we haven't slept all our dreams are the same all our dreams washed away all our dreams washed away all our dreams washed away
3.
03:56
you won't smoke cigarettes you don't talk when I'm talking to you you look like you're lost and don't know what to do you don't like when I say it's alright what I say and what you know is true are two completely different things when the flood comes down and washes away all our bones when the sun comes up and the water flows back to the ocean the clouds are in slow motion the weather used to be so clear around you it gets late my love why did you break? the cat is on the windowsill and calling you back home across the night your poison breaks away your poise and your thoughts of me are gone along with all the memories I've built with you when the rain comes down and clears the salt off all the sidewalks when the spring has sprung and the water melts out of the snowbanks we fall through the frozen lake the winter never was this cold around you the weather used to be so clear around you I hope the rainclouds disappear around you
4.
04:03
when the drop ceiling caves in after all the people leave how does it happen ? no one would have watched it fall when the broken window rains in as the river slowly swells water doesn't listen even when there's someone home and when you washed away what went through your head as the river overtook it ? the floorboards where we lay rotted through decay even though we both we looking love was not a mystery to me but you were always so confused I tried to bring you comfort but the river brought you answers too and when I washed away our picture floated by the current split it down the middle I saw the clouds above but never broke away I wish I hadn't been so hopeful the water took the floor away and now that I've got nowhere left to stand what's the next part of the plan ? is anybody watching ? the water took our lives away but the cycle always brings the flood it's the nature of all love I really should have seen it coming
5.
03:52
you know it's your fault it's what you're all about you're so upstanding you really knock me out who knew you only cared about yourself ? I'm sick of your ghost I dream about you all the time you're so apologetic our dreams are such a pointless lie how do you still come haunt me every night ? I've seen your pictures I know you've blocked me out you know it's your fault it's what you're all about you feel guilty so you just repressed me everything you do is so cowardly
6.
01:54
7.
04:15
when we drove to pittsburgh what did you think that meant ? we drove for hours to get furniture to put in our apartment and you said you'd pay some rent that time you tried to leave me you ended up just coming back and in that parking spot we cried a lot and talked about getting a cat and it felt so good to laugh I thought I'd want to change my feelings about the things you do I thought I was scared of parties but I was just afraid of you and yeah I've been so angry I'm honestly pissed off with you and when I'm alone at night all these awful thoughts come unglued I'm fucking sick of you so let me get this straight then when you talked about marrying me was it love that spoke or was it just your conscience feeling guilty well I'd never felt so happy people say it's not my fault we both know that's not true so I'm sorry that I was myself I'm sorry you were you the haunted stories people tell I've always thought were true but the ghost in our apartment turns out was just the ghost of you it was just the ghost in you always hiding in the hallway that weird cold spot in the bedroom we heard voices in the nighttime knock down photographs I bought you like the one that says "for god's sake get out!" I guess you knew exactly what that picture was about
8.
I'm a lonely kid I don't mean that much to you I understand it hasn't been that long since I met you I cling to you embarrass myself at the house shows you're lonely too at least that's what I'm hoping for haven't laughed in a long time I mean really felt the happiness inside I was trapped I did not try I really thought back then that I'd gotten it right I was so great I looked down on everyone I hated you for everything that I'm becoming two weeks to go finally found out I blew it four years ago talking was so terrifying I was wrong for a long time I thought I knew myself I thought I had to fight and there's a lot that I don't like but as April ends I guess I'll be alright I sure hope both of us were right

about

this is for the friends I never made

credits

released May 27, 2016

written, recorded, and produced in ohio
in various apartments at carriage hill
and at mdia vocal booths in athens
and at a home in strongsville
by nick seman from september 2014 - may 2016

artwork by nick seman
cover art processed from photo in athena yearbook 1963

sample on "coward" taken on dc metro red line
sample on "april always ends" taken in west salem, ohio

distributed by stylefire records (stf-009)
(cc) 2016 nick seman and stylefire records

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Nick seman Ventura, California

all I hear is 60hz mains hum

robot / floods
ohio / usa

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